Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize