i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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