Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
