Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
