ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
