can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
