god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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