I CAN MOONWALK!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
