I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
