remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
