I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
