Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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