At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
