Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
