turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
