So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
