my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
