please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
