This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
