Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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