Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
