she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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