3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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