You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
