so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize