Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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