so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need to sanitize my soul.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
