I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
