Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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