I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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