I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
