those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
