billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
