Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Randomize
