I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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