All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
