Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize