Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
