Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
