I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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