The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
