i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
