in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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