Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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