Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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