And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
