I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
