he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
