Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
