clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
