You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
