bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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