I seem to have left my pride at pride
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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