Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
