He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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