I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
where are my eyebrows?
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