We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
