Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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