We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
