i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
