I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
