Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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