you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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