Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
