Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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