last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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