just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize