You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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