we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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