It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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