dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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